'I don’t understand how that would work': Teen daughter refuses to support parents' decision to adopt another child after mom claims she doesn't want to become an empty nester

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Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jul 21, 2026 6:00 AM EDT

What drives people to decide they want to have another child?

When we were younger, the idea of starting a family and having children of our own sounded like the most exciting thing. In fact, we truly believed that the more, the merrier, and fantasized over the idea of having four or five children who would love each other and us with all their hearts.

And then, well, we grew up. Becoming an adult meant that we got to see all the "behind the scenes" we weren't aware of as children, and all the actual reality of what it takes to have children suddenly dawned, and it is definitely not what we pictured as kids.

First, children are expensive. Not only is actual childbirth something that many go into debt for, but then you have at least 18 years of having to pay for every single thing the child needs. Diapers, food, clothes, education, and everything in between. The thought of paying all of that for one kid is alarming; imagine what it's like with two or three more? 

Second, you have to make sure you have the emotional capability to take care of a child. Every single resource you have goes to your child, and that can take a lot of mental energy. You should ensure you have it before you actually have the child. If you're not ready for it, you will not only do yourself harm, but you will also harm your child. How many children grew up with parents who weren't there for them emotionally? That can truly cause some serious issues, and it's simply better to avoid it in the first place, if possible.

While we all make educated decisions of whether or not we are ready for kids, and for how many, that doesn't mean we can't rely on others to give us their input. If they know us well enough, they can help us with this huge decision, which is exactly what the daughter below is trying to do for her parents.

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    Close-up of a teen girl looking sad.
    via Beth Macdonald

    Close-up of a teen girl looking sad.

    Subject is a model.

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    m1kqq

    I (late teens) still live at home with my mom and stepdad. For context, my mom has two older sons from a previous relationship who are both in their mid-30s.
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    Years later, she had me and my sibling. So this wouldn't be her first or even second time raising children. My biological dad passed away when I was younger, and my
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    stepdad has been in my life. for most of my childhood. Recently, my mom casually told me while she and my stepdad were leaving the
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    house that I might be "meeting my new brother and sister soon." I had no idea what she meant. When I started asking questions, they left before we could really talk about it.
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    Later, they explained they want to adopt because they don't want to be empty nesters and because they want to "spread love."
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    I ended up telling my mom that I don't support the decision and don't think it's a good idea.
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    Part of my reasoning is practical. They're older, both have ongoing health issues, and my stepdad has heart problems. Raising a toddler
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    is physically demanding, and I honestly don't understand how they plan to keep up with a young child long term.
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    A child's hand resting on Mom and Dad's.
    via Fer Strange

    A child's hand resting on Mom and Dad's.

    Subjects are models.

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    I'm also concerned about finances. Kids are expensive, and while I don't want to share personal financial details online, I know our
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    situation better than strangers on the internet do. From my perspective, adding another child would create more financial responsibility, and I don't understand how that would work.
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    There's also some emotional context. My mom has said she doesn't want to be an empty nester and has told us that we're "never home
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    anymore." In the past, she also told me she felt like she missed out on having a traditionally feminine daughter because I'm more
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    masculine, which has made me wonder if that's influencing her desire to adopt. I know I can't say that's definitely the reason,
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    but it's something that's been on my mind because of conversations we've had.
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    I also question the decision because my stepdad already has biological children from a previous relationship, and
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    from what I've seen, those relationships haven't always been close.
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    I want to be clear that I have nothing against adoption or adopted children. If they do adopt, I would never take my feelings out on the child. My
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    issue is whether this is the right decision for my parents specifically. AITA for telling my mom I don't support their decision to adopt another child?
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    luala NTA but do they actually have any chance of going through with this? The agencies will check stuff like health and finances.
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  • 22
    OrchidOne8324 "New brother and sister"...?? So they're adopting two kids? At the same time??
    via OrchidOne8324
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    Marisa SassesBack It certainly sounds more like something she needs versus looking at what a CHILD would need. You're making very valid points and I hope you'll make them to her in person. NTA
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    dmcgrath60 NTA for having an opinion, but honestly it's their decision to make. The agency will vet them hard though, so if they really can't. handle it financially or health-wise, it probably won't go through anyway.
    via dmcgrath60

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child adoption adoption kids mother teenagers siblings parenting dad family sister mom parents children Father
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